Yesterday was a difficult day in the Jewish world. It marked one year since the terrorist attack in Israel by Hamas in which over 1200 inhabitants of Israel were murdered, hundreds kidnapped, and others abused and injured. Jews (and many others) around the world gathered yesterday to remember and reflect. There is little comfort as war rages on many fronts in Israel and Jew-hatred runs rampant across the globe. We are all grieving while trying to make sense of the aftermath.
Each of us grieves differently. There really is no right or wrong way. Forty years ago, I used to lead youth group educational trips to Poland and Israel to study about the Holocaust; after visiting the death camps, some of the teens were devastated and distraught, others were more resilient and stoic. Over more than 30 years as a rabbi, I have seen the full range of emotions in my many meetings with families after the death of a loved one.
Grieving is especially pertinent to older adults. The longer we live the more likely we are to lose loved ones. My personal fitness business, At Home Senior Fitness, works with individuals over the age of 55; I have experienced the loss of at least four clients in the last few years.
As older adults, we should understand that the grieving process is unique to each person. There is no timeline. There is no checklist of what mourning will look like–even if there are religious or cultural rituals to follow. There are ways, however, that we can make the process more meaningful and less debilitating. Spend time with friends and family; even if it is just a walk or a coffee, being with others helps to ease the loneliness. Understand that it may take longer than expected (or desired) to work through feelings or complete tasks involved with closing out an estate. Share with others what you are feeling; talking helps to sort things through. Sharing memories helps us to grieve and can also inspire and enlighten the person with whom you are speaking. Get help if you need it; if you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to others who may be able to help with errands, meals, rides to doctors’ appointments, etc. Most people are more than happy to help. Finally, if you find that you are depressed or “stuck” and cannot do the daily activities of life, get in touch with a clergy person, therapist and/or a grief counseling group; they can help give meaning to your grief and share resources.
Death is a part of life. We hope and pray that those we care about will live long, happy, and health lives. We know, though, that the time will come when we will have to say goodbye–and we have no control over when or how that will happen. When the time comes, we must surround ourselves with people and resources that will help us to honor our departed loved ones while facilitating our moving on to life without them.
May there be peace, justice, comfort, and love in our world soon.
Kosher Fitness 