Working with older adults means that every once in a while a client of mine will become either too ill or frail to continue to work out with me. I have even had a few clients who have passed away; I blogged about this the first time it happened. The truth is that none of us will live forever; sometimes, however, we are fortunate to be able to “orchestrate” what the end will look like.

As a relatively young rabbi in Toledo, OH, I was invited by the local hospice to learn about what hospice is. In Judaism, it is taught that one of the greatest kindnesses that we can bestow upon a loved one is to choose for them a “beautiful death” (in Hebrew mitah yafah). What exactly does this mean? It means to provide someone with a death experience that is as dignified, peaceful, and pain-free as possible. At the workshop provided by the hospice in Toledo, I found that the hospice movement (intentionally or unintentionally) helps to fulfill the idea of a beautiful death.

What exactly is hospice care? Hospice care is a program that provides care, comfort, and quality of life for people who are near the end of their life and have stopped treatement to cure or control their disease. Hospice care focuses on treating the patient’s “total pain” which includes physical, emotional, social, and spiritual concerns. It also supports the patient’s family as they cope with the end of life and during bereavement. Years after that workshop, both of my parents were able to receive hospice care–my mother for Mesothelioma and my father for Parkinson’s Disease. In both cases, nine-and-a-half years apart, there were no further treatments that could make a difference; we focused instead on creating a quality of life rather than a quantity of life. What good, we reasoned, was it to stay alive longer if only in misery? For my mother, her passing was a meaningful experience over seven days with loved ones surrounding her. My father’s passing was different; none of his children was there, but he died before the situation got to a point that could have been much worse had it dragged on. None of us in the family–including my parents–really felt like we were giving up. We were making the best out of a situation that was clearly no longer in our control.

If you are looking for more information about hospice, a simple on-line search can tell you about organizations in your area. If you are part of a religious community, they may have their own hospice as well. Librarians can also be a great source of guidance.

The work that I do as a personal trainer for older adults is aimed at helping to improve the quality of life for my clients. As I said above, none of us lives forever. When the end is near (and sometimes not so near) there are still ways to help improve our quality of life. Hospice is not “giving up,” but rather continuing on the same path of living the best life possible for as long as we have. It is a way of choosing a “beautiful death.”