Many of us are familiar with the Beatles’ song “Help!” Not only is it a great tune, but the lyrics connect with so many of us. We have all been “down” and felt like we needed someone (not just anyone) to be ’round for us and help us get our feet back on the ground.

Since that song was released, however, there has been a societal shift in attitude. We are supposed to be strong and handle things on our own. Reaching out for assistance can be seen as a sign of weakness. Only more recently has the pendulum begun to swing back; we are once again being taught (in most, but not all, settings) that it is OK to need help. We can be vulnerable. It is a normal part of being a human.

In my interactions with many older adults, the question of when to seek help is ever-present. It is not just a matter of physical health, but mental well-being too. Older adults wonder when it is appropriate to seek medical attention, housekeeping services, psychological care, grief counseling, etc. How do you know when you need help?

For everyone this is highly personal. Some people are much more resilient…or stubborn. Here are some guidelines:

1. Most importantly, if your ability to function in a regular way is impaired, it is time to seek help. Everyone has aches and pains. We also experience emotional ups and downs. If, though, they prevent us from carrying out the activities of daily living (getting dressed, eating, working, exercisings, etc.), it is time to reach out for help.
2. If your mood has changed significantly and it lasts for two weeks, this is also a sign that something is going on. We all have days when we are bummed out. If we are depressed, down, or inconsolable for an extended period, it is time to seek assistance.
3. If your sleep patterns change significantly–sleeping too much or unable to sleep–this can be a sign of a problem. On a related note, inability to concentrate or enjoy the things you usually do (hobbies, being with friends, work) is noteworthy and should be discussed with a professional.
4. If you are engaging in behaviors that are risky, this is also a time to get assistance. If your behavior is affecting your work, studies, friendships, or if it could put you in legal trouble or physical danger, this an indication that you need help.

So where should you reach out for help? Friends and family that you trust are always a good first line of action. The people who love and care about you can help you see things more clearly and recommend strategies for improving the situation. Those strategies may include talking to a clergy-person, a primary care physician, or a therapist.

At one time or another, we all need some kind of help. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It does not show weakness. Rather, it shows that we are human. I hope this helps….